« Make The Cougars Go Away »
Tuesday, July 14, 2009 at 12:39PM 
Credits: Keivom, James
The female mid life crisis is alive and well. Those days of women quietly sulking into their advancing years attired in floral printed housecoats and polyester pant suits closeting themselves at home while their counterparts of the opposite sex shop for hair plugs and convertibles are all but gone. There has been liberation and it has come in the form of personal trainers and macrobiotic diets, Botox, Juviderm, and plastic surgery. The dawn of the "MILF" and the "Cougar" are upon us and I don't know about you but I am afraid, very afraid.
For, I am closing in on the wrong side of forty quickly and the images out there of those females who have seen the other side are enough to scare the bejeezus out of anyone, let alone those of us who are nearing mid life at what feels like the speed of sound. Take Madonna, for instance. Granted the queen of pop is an example in the extreme. I term her look, Hollywood concentration camp chic. The countless hours of pilates, yoga and God knows what else has left her fifty year old body sinewy, vein ridden and lacking any amount of body fat. After divorcing her husband Guy Ritchie, she has been seen wrapping her lithe frame around twenty year old back up dancers: impressive in some circles, disturbing in others.
Newsweek magazine has termed 2009 the year of the cougarat least as far as film and television are concerned. TV Land debuted its new show The Cougar this year in which a forty year old woman with four children chooses from a gaggle of twenty something year old men, Bachelorette style. Just by watching the cheesy trailer on the internet one can get the jist of this ridiculous show. Go ahead and click on the link to view snippets from the men's "cub cams" and it becomes immediately obvious how depressing the idea of this woman frolicking about with guys who most of us would have dumped in high school for being adolescent boobs truly is. Just because one has the body to rival a twenty year old does not mean one necessarily needs to date one.
Don't get me wrong, I don't believe we should go back to an era where women "of a certain age" should be shelved like a pair of outdated shoes. But, there is a line that when crossed leaves even the most liberal of those looking for the nearest sick bucket. Some items of clothing are just in bad taste no matter the age, wearing them at the half century mark does not suddenly impart to them a new sense of gravitas. And embracing the term "cougar" as if it is an emblem of strength and sex appeal is disingenuous at best. I, for one, would not appreciate being labelled a cat on the prowl looking for victims of the opposite sex to be picked off like the weakest gazelles in the herd. A feral cat I am not nor will I ever be.
In writing this I suddenly and reminded of Don Henley's song, Boys of Summer and the lines that seem to scream out to those in search of something they will never find. "Out on the road today, I saw a DEADHEAD sticker on a Cadillac. A little voice inside my head said, 'Don't look back. You can never look back.'..." Plastering on a Herve Leger bandage dress while teetering in a pair of six inch Manolos may give the illusion of youth from afar but up close life's transgressions still remain. And, what is so wrong with a little age? The search for perpetual youth seems far too exhausting and self-obsessive even for me.
Let's hope I am able to keep the mid life crisis at bay for as long as possible. My interest in looking like a weathered piece of albino luggage ten years from now is about as great as my desire to become a vegan exercise junkie. Must pass.
Boys of Summer, Don Henley, Madonna, The Cougar, cougar, mid life crisis in Getting Older 
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Reader Comments (20)
Hear, hear. Life is just, oh, so, too very short and joyous to spend it veganing and obsessively exercising our time away, particularly when we're allegedly older & wiser.
That has to be the scariest Madonna photo ever, by the way. Wow.
I am on the other side of 40 and do my best to tow the line between acting the age I am physically and the age I feel I am mentally.
Wow, that Madonna pic was bizarre. She's a A-Rod-Loving-Freak these days unfortunately...
Honestly I just want the midlife crisis car.
I'd love a hot red convertible and some great eighties tunes in about 10 years.
Young men were too darn stupid even when I was young. Those 20 something women can keep them.
Thanks to you I shall now have nightmares of a freakish Madonna chasing after me while shrieking "You Can be a Cougar Too," clearly not understanding the biological & psychological barriers to this ever happening. In any lifetime.
This one made me laugh aloud Miss WPF, the vision of the Leger dress and the Manolos is so classic though, it is scary!
Sending you a smile,
tp
Oh no I think my eye sight has been taken from me. Please god don't let me buy tickets to her next concert....
I fear I am but, a stain of my former self anyway. I have decided that although I vow never to wear pants with elastic waste bands in the back, my days are numbered....
You are the best and always make me laugh.. from an old kitty cat to a much younger one.... As always D
My cougar friend is dating a "pup" who she says is less than 30 yo. After meeting him and getting a full dose of the adolescent personality, he may even be less than 20 yo! I asked what they do for dates....renting video games or movies at Blockbuster was the answer. No thanks!
Not only is this wonderfully written, but I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU!!!
I think women in their forties and beyond are beautiful and sexy just the way they are at that age - period.
Ok...it's one thing to take care of yourself, but this obsessive desire to attain a 20-30 year old image just looks awful. I agree with Legally Blonde..."Life is too short."
I 'm actually a big fan of Madonna, but after seeing this photo - barf!
On the one hand, I love that "fifty is the new forty" and all that stuff, but, please, at some point you've just got to let it go and accept that, eventually, the beach body just goes away. I'm not one to say only a twenty-year-old can be hot, but, please, at certain ages certain looks just do not work.
Madonna looks like she's in a freak show. I can't bear to watch. She's not pushing boundaries anymore...now she just looks pathetic.
Love your blog! Visiting from SITS.
I agree with you wholeheartedly!
I mean, I think 40 something women are sexy. ( I am one...) But not when taking it to that extreme...it's embarrassing. It's good to take care of yourself, but not in the way that some of these women in entertainment or Hollywood do.
Thanks for the post! Very amusing...
:-)
The luggage comment cracked me up! I'm hoping to replace Hubby with an Ashton type to combat my old age. Thanks for stopping by my place today. Loving all my new found blog SITStash:)
Great post. Wait, is that Skelator holding that guitar? UGH. And the cougar phenom? Make. It. Stop. I wrote a post called "Enough is enough" about this same boring and overplayed phrase.
I'm on the back end of 40 and I am grateful for all my life experiences. Yes, I want to feel attractive and I want to be healthy but facelifts and Botox are not me.
Good post!
Love the line about "albino luggage." The cougar phenomenon works, partly due to the late peaking of women with regards to sexual gravitas. Odd as it may sound, the pairing of a perverted, video renting punk with a women 20 years his senior is an ideal physical match. Beyond that however, well, hopefully the guy's hilarious.
Stopping by from SITS to give a little blog ♥
Over 40 and proud...I think...LOL
I have to agree. I have mini-freakouts every time I see Madonna's Slim Jim arms. I believe the correct response to seeing them is, "Ugh!"
Way to frighten young children and the infirm, Madonna.
Being in the middle of the middle life crisis, it pisses me off seeing these cougars so fit and toned and botoxed. I could look like that too if I had a personal chef, personal trainer, personal plastic surgeon, personal ad nauseum. I take care of myself and look good for my age but would prefer to grow old gracefully. Love your site.
I love being in my 40's. I have girlfriends who are in fabulous shape but as far as dressing their age goes, don't realize that just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD.
Great post.
Great, great, funny post.
And Madonna reminds me of the Cryptkeeper.
Wendi
www.wendiaarons.com
That picture of Madonna is scary. I hope I age like Diane Sawyer. That woman always looks smart, sexy and polished. Great post!