« My Resolution Not To Complain »
Wednesday, November 4, 2009 at 9:13AM ;)
I treat New Year's resolutions much like flight attendants with a heightened sense of self importance. I pay them lip service and then eventually disregard them altogether. This is why every year I make the same resolution, to be a kinder more tolerant person. Impossible to quantify and sufficiently nebulous, failure is difficult with room for improvement high. So, each year I commit to the same thing (or not) and conveniently keep it buried in my subconscious until after Christmas.
This year I am starting early with the thoughts of self betterment and delusions of fulfillment. While my regular yearly resolution is a noble goal that really should be continually striven for, like world peace or no noticeable panty lines, I have decided to take on a new goal. Whining, whinging, and general bitching will be kept to a minimum.
I know what you are thinking. The blog will need to be shut down. Fear not my loyal band of readers; there are caveats to this resolution almost all of which must apply to my little plot of land in cyberspace. I am trying to be a better person, not a saint.
I have found that I am not alone in this endeavor. There is a great article on the blog DoubleX entitled The Noncomplaining Project: How Do You Define A Whine? Like myself, the writers have no interest in banning the occasional vent or friendly kvetch. They are just looking at how they can be more mindful when doing it. Unlike Rev. Will Bowen of One Community Spiritual Center in Kansas City, MO who started A Complaint Free World in which a complaint is defined as any expression of "pain, grief or discontent," the gals over at DoubleX have a less subversive and more realistic view of how they can be less annoying. It is all about tone and context.
My sudden interest in reducing the amount of bitching and moaning has coincided with an upsurge of complaining at the barn where I board my young horse. There are several reasons for this: 1) Winter is almost upon us and cabin fever is slowly setting in 2) The population at the barn is almost entirely made up of women 3) See reason number 2. Commercial horse barns are complaint incubators fueled by an excessive amount of estrogen and caffeine. Add some cold weather and an outdoor arena too sloppy to ride in and you have won the bitch fest trifecta. It does not matter what management tries to do, they will be wrong.
Tired of listening to the continual barrage of complaints and determined not to get sucked into the endless mini dramas that make up mornings at the barn, I have decided to start with myself as I cannot make others shut their traps no matter how much I may want. My complaint reduction program will begin by abiding by that old adage, "If you can't say something nice about somebody, don't say anything at all." Eye rolling along with impudent inflections while speaking about even the most innocuous of subjects needs to stop. Moaning about things I cannot change incessantly has had its day.
Before you think I may need to search out labotomy options before undertaking such a task, I am not suggesting that I go cold turkey. I firmly believe venting is a necessary evil. Without it, our frustrations back up and start to overflow. Think unhappy postal workers and better gun control. The kvetch over coffee and some form of highly processed carbohydrate keeps my friends and me on an even keel. This brings us back to context. A proper bitch session among good friends when both parties are in the mood has its utility.
This does not mean that I will not lodge a legitimate complaint or seek a different resolution when I am not happy. Being queen of the doormats is not a position I wish to retain. Been there, done that. No, I just want to keep the snide commentary and whininess to a minimum in my personal interactions. It creates a level of drama better left to the blog.
I will let you know how it goes. I may even end up being a kinder more tolerant person.
Don't hold your breath. I don't want to be responsible for anyone going blue.
complaining, complaints, kvetch, resolutions in Revelations 
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Reader Comments (19)
Well, the official launch of your CRP (as opposed to CPR) is almost enough to spur action here at the Prepatorium. We may have to consider an official Complaint Reduction Program of our own, it is an idea with merit. But then we also identify with the upsides of the whineathon... deep thoughts to ponder indeed.
Great post!
tp
this is always my resolution too.
little by little, year by year, it's working.
I think.
Preppy - Yes, it is food for thought. I like that "CRP" I could also call it "Crap" for short. A little bit of whinging never hurt anyone. It's just the excess that needs to be reigned in. Everything in moderation, I suppose.
Lora - Thanks for stopping by. One step at a time is my plan. Going all saintly wouldn't be fun for anyone.
" Won the bitch fest trifecta..."
OMG, Jen....I LOVE you!!!
You made some really great points on this post, all of which I totally agree.
An occassional vent is actually healthy, but to continue on and on only makes it sound like a whine-fest. For me (having a blog called Vent), I try to find the humor in my madness which allows me to laugh at myself; not taking myself so seriously.
It's the bitching and complaining at work, I can't stand. I will totally disassociate myself from it because it really doesn't accomplish anything - it's just idol gossip and whining.
Glad to hear you'll still be posting an occassional vent on your blog.
I SOOOO enjoy them!
Great post, my friend!
When I was a kid, if I cried for a reasoned deemed unworthy of tears (a kids equivalent to whining/bitching), my mother would say, "If you want to cry, I'll give you something to cry about." At the time, I thought she was being original. Now, of course, I know it's just an age-old cliche. But it did take root in my psyche. Now I'm always afraid that if I piss and moan about the something the "Universe" will rain down on my ass with some "real" problems. It does manage to keep my complaining to a minimum. On another note, I'm so glad I stumbled upon you over at Julie's blog, because I'm a horse person too and have actually written a post about my horses with photos on my blog today. I'd love it if you checked it out and I'm going to start following your blog now.
Quit bitching? Are you kidding? I tried it once, and found I didn't have anything to say, so I was quickly back to my whiney self. Let me know if it works for you! Remember, a little bitching just adds flavor to life!
"Being queen of the doormats is not a position I wish to retain"
LOVE that.
I used to listen to a song which had a lyric in it I've never forgotton.
Ooops. Let me finish that.
:-)
"Why do people always wipe their feet on anything with Welcome written on it"
In the song, they were referring to a person.
It's a good ALL year goal to have. Thanks again for your most intelligent and intriguing posts.
Oh boy, you said a mouthful.... good luck with that....
why do you think we ride at night.
Ron - Thought you might enjoy a couple of my one liners. Occasional venting is healthy and I will continue to explore the medium on this little piece of real estate. But, around others during everyday interactions I am going to try to stop being so annoying with the complaining. Like I said, we'll see how long it lasts.
Jaynesworld - So glad you stopped by. I will pop on over to your blog and check out your horses. Always good to meet another horse lover.
SuziCate - I agree a little bitching does add some spice to life. Sainthood is not in my future.
Nancy - Don't know that song but I like the sounds of it. Thanks for dropping by.
Diane - Yes, luck would help in such an endeavor. I can only change myself. I may need to start putting my hands over my ears and humming whenever anyone starts running off at the mouth.
You are stronger than me. This is awesome though and I might take your lead. MIGHT. Haha! Okay, I'll try, I'm inspired, but I think I need to be allotted 10 moans a day. :)
But...WHY would you wanna stop whining? (She whined...) And who the f&%$
said you can stop complaining? (She shot back)
Ah...I feel better already! I loooove your posts, Jen. Just love 'em! I think if you were to stop whining & bitching HERE, we'd all be very, very sad. (Lone tear slips down cheek)
And then there's the risk we'd go all postal on you.
So, I say...don't change a thing, my friend. Don't you know you're perfect just the way you are???
Jen, as far as I'm concerned, whining and complaining is just as important as laughing in this world. So I say, rock and bitch your little heart out. I'll support you. But in the spirit of resolutions, of couse I'd say good luck!
Hip Hop - We'll just see how strong I am when life throws a curve ball. I'm sure I'll be back to moaning before you know it.
Kathryn and CC - The venting will not stop on the site. Just trying to keep it to a minimum with the personal interactions.
i'm with you on the whole resolution thing, it's nice in theory. but as the story i wrote for chix soup admits, i never ever actually make them.
this post reminded me that i totally want an English bulldog named Shakespeare, but don't want the responsibility of walking it.
sigh.
That's a great resolution to have and I have been there. It's harder than it appears but little by little it gets easier :)
Thanks so much for sharing in my SITS day last week!!!!!
P.S. LOVE the pics of the Bulldogs. We have a white one Nash.
bitch fest trifecta was pretty awesome. Great post. Good luck with your resolution.
Well, I made a similar resolution and ever since have no subject to write on my blog.
Before you find yourself with a blog with no new posts for half a year let me tell you right away that this world is full of idiots. Some think about stuff, judge, criticize and because the world is far from perfect end up moaning and bitching, others live in the dark. I praise the day dictatorship went down in my country and together with it I was given the freedom to bitch and moan. Just put it out. You'll be far more interesting.